I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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