oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
