I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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