Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
