We're like a lot better than the average bears
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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