i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
