i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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