Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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