I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
