have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
This toilet bowl is my home.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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