dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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