She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
