my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
