best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You're like the curious george of whores
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
