Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
