pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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