hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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