Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
