so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
