She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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