Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
