Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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