I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
