I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
