No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is it penis luge time yet?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
