i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
