why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize