I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize