i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The uberlube is also flammable
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
