you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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