You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
