I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
