bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
