Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
