stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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