oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
