nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
