The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
