He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
