forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
