i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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