guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
