6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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