Me too!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
