I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
