remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
