New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
