wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
