my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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