I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
