I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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