apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
