dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.