And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?