one two three fourrrrnication!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.