I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have feelings that need drinking.