You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help