good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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