I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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