If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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